Above: Saddam Hussein was caught violating the Five Second Rule by eating a tater tot that had remained on his kitchen floor for nearly half a minute. Below: In retaliation, American and British warplanes strike targets in the southern "No-Fly Zone". The Bush Administration confirmed that the targets hit were evil.

Saddam Violates "Five Second Rule"
Foodstuff Comes Into Contact With Ground For Near Half-Minute; U.S. Responds

11/22/02 - A tater tot, which had fallen to the kitchen floor of presidential palace #7, was "picked up, examined, and eaten" by Saddam Hussein, as reported by UN weapons inspectors on site. The United States responded swiftly by bombing Iraq's Northern and Southern "No-Fly Zones".

"We had explicit directions from President Bush to report all violations," explained Hans Blix, Chief Weapons Inspector and non-CIA spy. "My team communicated the infraction to me, and I executed the protocol set forth in the latest latest latest revision of the latest UN Iraqi Resolution".

In what has already been dubbed "The Tot Heard Round The World", writers at Fox News were said to have "ejaculated" while contriving the clever joke in a group brainstorm.

The inspectors, allowed full and complete access to Hussein's pantry, said the popular leader of Iraq dropped the purported Ore-Ida brand Tater Tot from a plate en route to the den, and upon returning to the kitchen for condiments, "knowingly and willingly violated rules clearly outlined by the unbiased UN Security Council," explained Condoleezza Rice.

The incident followed last week's alleged violation of the "Be Kind, Rewind" rule enforced by UN inspectors at the Baghdad Video-o-Rama. The United States responded swiftly by bombing Iraq's Northern and Southern "No-Fly Zones".

Some say that bombing Iraq consistently over the past 10 years has not been proper comeuppance for the acts violated. Still others are not certain what exactly Iraq is doing wrong, given the fact that they technically are not flying in the no-fly zones. As for actual signs that Saddam has been sponsoring a chemical warfare program, the inspectors have thus far only found this list of biological viruses, provided by the U.S. in the 1980s.

In other news that should concern you, a secret appeals court overturned a lower secret court order allowing the government unlimited powers in surveillance. Coupled with the creation of a Homeland Security Office and discarding an outdated "innocent until proven guilty" mandate, the government sits poised to assume everyone may be a terrorist except themselves.