4/21/02 - In a grand celebration featuring Kid Rock, Aerosmith, and a laundry list of identical teen R&B singers, MTV and the interim Afghani government unveiled the new and improved Buddha statues of Afghanistan. The statues, which were destroyed last year by the Taliban regime, were rebuilt with funding from MTV, Coca-Cola, and UNOCAL.

Instead of somber Buddhas, Coca-Cola chose to restore the statues with "fun" in mind, according to a company PR representative. "The new statues look more like the real Buddhas that young people identify with - jolly, fat, happy-go-lucky guys who get thirsty just like the rest of us."

MTV aired the event around the globe, as Kid Rock and Aerosmith rocked the house with a new song called "Badass Pimp", a tribute to the statues penned by Mr. Rock for the occasion. As the sun set, a group of scantily-clad J. Lo lookalikes strutted around the stage and struck various sexually suggestive poses as bland, unoriginal beats bumped into the night. Tickets for the event were rumored to be in the thousands, but as an act of goodwill, MTV set aside a large section of seating for the children of Afghanistan, who had tragically never witnessed such sultry sights.

Coca-Cola's stock saw a sharp jump in value as investors realized that a country of 20 million Muslims, where there is a ban on alcohol and virtually no water supply, represents a fabulous opportunity for the soft drink giant. MTV is planning a yearly special at the site, and are rumored to have plans on rebuiling the Great Pyramid in Egypt in the shape of the MTV logo in 2004.

Related quote: When I think of Indonesia-a country on the equator with 180 million people, a median age of 18, and a Muslim ban on alcohol-I feel like I know what heaven looks like.
- Coca-Cola President Donald R. Keough, c. 1992

Related Historical Site: A photo of Brandenburg Gate, Berlin's most well-known landmark, which is today completely covered by a huge banner advertising a German Internet company (seriously).