UN Slams Ants for Geneva Conventions Violations
"No More Picnics For You" says Kofi Annan

7/10/02 - Kofi Annan scolded a large ant colony from Oakville, Mississippi yesterday for flagrant violations of the Geneva Convention Protocols in its barbaric attack on a rival colony in the area. The United Nations official reprimand comes after reports of war crimes and acts of inhumanity committed by the Ants. The UN voted unanimously to ban the ants from any and all picnics and will not be allowed anywhere near a campground of any kind.

According to eyewitness accounts, the ants committed several atrocities, including decapitation, rape, pillage, and eating the rival ant's young. Numerous sources report seeing the Oakville ants carrying off eggs and young hostages that were to be used to serve their own queen back at the colony.The

United Nations hope that such reports are exaggerated and insist that future acts will not be tolerated unless there is first an official declaration of war and only military units are targeted. The supreme queen of the offending ants called the accusation "outrageous" and claimed that her colony was simply liberating their rivals and spreading positive ideals to fellow ants and, ultimately, all of antdom.