Gropers Everywhere Embarrassed By Arnold Schwarzenegger
United Groping Foundation, Gropers Anonymous Deny Membership

10/3/03 - Major gropers groups have stepped forward to protest their new association with Arnold Schwarzenegger, calling Arnold "an embarrassment to gropers everywhere" and "a terribly bad actor." Jerry Schlubman, president of Yahoo! Groups groping community, claimed Arnold shouldn't even really be considered a groper because "he gets caught every time - there's a difference between effective groping and outright grabbing. Governor? Ha!"

Gropers Anonymous insists that Arnold will never be allowed to join the group. "We have standards," said founder Chester M. Lester. "And Arnold does not meet them. He doesn't speak coherently, his movies stink, and he married a Kennedy."

Several unrepentant groping aficionados have also come forward to air their gripes. "The guy has no groping skills. No game at all," said one anonymous subway-trolling ass grabber. "I've grabbed literally thousands of breasts and have NEVER gotten caught. This guy has no problem manhandling a buttock in full view of cameras in the middle of a Hollywood set. Anyway, he's an affront to unwelcome advances everywhere."

Some observers are also beginning to question the touchy-feeliness Arnold often displayed with other bodybuilders and sportsmen, and wonder if that behavior had more to do with gratuitous fondling and less to do with sportsmanship.

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