Burning Man Takes Broadway!
Frat Boys Line Up To See Naked Chicks

9/10/03 - Burning Man, the smash hit from Nevada, just started what is sure to be a long and lucrative run at the Winter Garden, former home of the smash hit Cats. Featuring tons of inexplicable and pretentious art, beer, ecstasy, and lots of nudity, critics are hailing the play as "revolutionary" - in terms of revenue.

"We've finally been able to bring together a multitude of demographics under one roof - college-aged males seeking naked women, downtown hipsters seeking crappy artistic displays, and families from the New York metro suburbs seeking the typical cheap, artificial, overpriced broadway experience we've all come to love," says the play's producers, who come from Trendmongers Inc., a marketing think tank.

In order to reach a larger audience, the usual Burning Man experience has been slightly altered. Music will be provided by Linkin Park, Staind, and Korn. Also, beer will be served throughout the performance, which will be more "family-friendly" so as to not confuse or upset audience members.

The plot has been re-tooled to accommodate "your typical theater-goer", according to producers. In the play, Burning Man meets a woman from the wrong side of the tracks and falls in love, much to his family's chagrin. Burning Man puts his social standing on the line and, in the end, ends up happily married to his female lead, leading both families to find common ground and understanding. Plenty of gratuitous nudity is added to keep the audience's attention throughout this roller coaster of plot twists.

"The combination should satisfy even the most demanding consumer," claimed one spiky orange-haired, zoned-out, half-clothed, trucker cap wearing hipster, who was not paid by anyone for saying such a thing.