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Californians Insist They Have The Right To Be As Ridiculous As They Want

10/9/03 - In an unsurprising display of West Coast brain-plasticity, perhaps overcome with nostalgia for the Gipper, California state has chosen another bad actor to govern the power-state.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Austrian-born bodybuilder turned Hollywood silage-manufacturer, has won the 2003 election, with incumbent Gray Davis receiving a total recall from office. Media reaction across the globe has consisted mainly of a drive to use as many Schwarzenegger film-name/election-day puns as possible, and this paper will be no exception. The red heat of the election left Davis a running man, engaged in a scavenger hunt for votes as the gap-toothed ass-groper pursued his opponents like a ruthless predator, like a crack commando inflicting heavy collateral damage on his targets. It is truly the end of days for Davis, to whom it remains only to make his long good-bye.

Schwarzenegger's victory speech was packed with the kind of true lies the voting public like to hear - promises that they won't be let down or disappointed. 'California!' he said, 'Come with me if you want to live!'

In a similar move, Pierce Brosnan has announced his intention to run for Taoiseach in the next General Election of Ireland.

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