Bill Clinton's Funeral Planned For October
Strategist Aim For Fundraising, Kerry Poll Boost

6/21/04 - Amid reports that marching Ronald Reagan's corpse all over creation for a solid week resulted in the planned boost in George W. Bush's polls, democratic strategists began drawing up plans to murder Bill Clinton, then march his pickled body around the streets in a string of fundraising events that will "make Lenin and Mao's corpses look stiff in comparison".

Karl Rove and the GOP, who frenzily feasted on Reagan's hollow carcass like vultures in Fallujah, saw a sharp rise in Bush's approval ratings, as they had predicted. Bush, who revered Reagan so much that he refuses to support stem cell research (which may have benefited or saved Reagan), agrees that he's "just like Reagan.", despite pointed remarks from Ron Reagan Jr. Though any such proclamation should cause jeers by any real conservative, Bush is really talking about how he wore a Ronald Reagan mask one drunken Halloween at an orgiastic Skull -n- Bones celebration. Kerry was apparently wore a dracula costume, but insiders say he wasn't actually wearing a costume.

Clinton could not be reached for comment.