Brad Reynolds, foreground, stands in front of the Tom Kensington, owner of the Amarillo U-Store Self-Storage facility. Both are hopeless idiots.

Conspiracy Collector Expands Into Entire Row At Local Self-Storage Facility
Notes Dramatic Surge In Material as of Late

7/19/03 - Tom Kensington, owner of the U-Store Self-Storage facility on state highway 335 outside Amarillo, Texas, announced to his children today that he would be able to afford their college educations.

"I'm grateful. I'm a little shocked, and hungry, but mostly grateful," said Kensington, as he posed for a picture with his star storage-space renter, self-proclaimed "conspiracy collector" and longtime resident Brad Reynolds.

Brad Reynolds is the keeper of one of the world's largest collections of evidence supporting most of the widely-held (as well as some unwidely-unheld) conspiracy theories. Starting out with a few shelves worth of material following the JFK assassination, Brad had managed to keep his collection limited to 8x10x8 worth of space, until 2001 rolled around.

"I had information on alien abductions, Watergate, sports scandals, stacks of court documents, Flight 800, you name it, all neatly organized in one storage unit," says Reynolds. "And then, of course, ya know, that, uh, day that changed everything, that nine-eleven. It changed everything for me too. Suddenly, here was the mother of all conspiracies, and within a year I found myself with mountains of information stacked to the roof. It was total disarray, man! I had to spread out ... it took me a while to get organized, but I'm finally there."

Indeed, Reynolds now occupies a row of thirty equally sized self-storage units, but it didn't come cheap, or so Kensington thinks.

"Basically, I says to him, 'if you want all this freaking space, you need to pay ahead, like at least 20 years worth of renters fees.' Whammo, he writes me this $50,000 check, which I plan on cashing when my first kid is ready for college in 2014."

Attempts by this writer to alert Kensington of the potential scam were called off by the 'cutthroat' hand-gesturing performed by Reynolds, standing beyond the inattentive Kensington.