More And More Domestic Violence Being Shipped Abroad
Willing Neighbors See Increase In Outsourced Wife Beating Jobs

1/6/04 - Despite mostly optimistic news coming from the Bush administration, analysts are increasingly worried about a growing trend: the practice of shipping domestic jobs - such as wife beating and spanking - outside the home to willing neighbors who gladly assume such responsibilities for very little pay.

Says one community outsourcer, "I'm not proud of it, but I have indeed outsourced my wife beating. I've cleared everything with the IRS though. I'd rather continue drinking bud and enjoying the game rather than having to constantly interrupt to smack my wife around. Now when I'm relaxing don't even hear her anymore. My buddy Joe down the block does a fine job. And he takes pride in his work. I feel pretty comfortable right now. And my arm feels a million times better."

Some critics are increasingly concerned about what these trends mean for the long term economy. "This is a dangerous trend we're seeing, with long term-repercussions that are really going to hurt the average American worker. Beating other people's wives may be cost-efficient, but it's seriously questionable ethical behavior. Everyone knows a man only has the right to beat his own wife."