|  Bush
Makes Earth Day Appearance
Spreads Pre-Emptive "Fuck The Planet"
Message
by David Albrecht
4/23/04 - (HOUSTON)
– In a departure from years past, President George W. Bush
celebrated Earth Day this year by appearing before a Houston audience
of oil and oil-services business leaders at a campaign fundraiser.
Instead of the conciliatory and conservation-minded approach he
favored during his first three Earth Day appearances, Bush wowed
the loyal Texas crowd with his no-holds-barred statements on environmental
and energy policy. “Screw the Sierra Club,” said the
president to roaring applause, “they’re not going to
vote for me anyway. And I’m not going to be the first president
to tell people they can’t drive whatever car they want. Is
that what you want?” he asked the crowd, eliciting a chorus
of boos and shouts of “No!”
“Fuck
the planet,” the president added, “it doesn’t
vote anyhow.”
President Bush used the occasion to unveil a number
of new environmental and regulatory initiatives. One is the “No
Source Review”, which, the president noted, “means just
what it says. No source will be reviewed, and if the American people
don’t like the quality of the air they breathe, they can bite
me. Or maybe, just maybe, they can hold their breath. And if they
turn blue in the process, tough titty.”
Another likely magnet for controversy during the
upcoming election cycle was the president’s proposed “Clean
Enough Water Act”, which will in his words “ensure that
Americans’ water is clean enough.” A special task force,
with members from the Competitive Enterprise Institute, the Frontiers
of Freedom Foundation and the libertarian Cato Institute, is now
working on a water pollution credit plan. Under the proposal, municipalities
with dirty water can buy exemptions from less-polluted water districts
with water credits to sell. Malcolm Wallop, former US Senator from
Wyoming and Chairman of Frontiers of Freedom noted that “if
your water isn’t clean enough, I have one little word for
you – Dasani.”
A smiling Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) stood alongside
Bush as the president announced the “Do Whatever You Want
Energy Independence Act”. This revamped version of the currently
stalled energy plan would allow coal, oil and gas companies to,
in Bush’s words, “do whatever they want. Our vital energy
sector must never be hampered by lack of opportunity – or
by lack of subsidies. This new plan will provide courageous energy
entrepreneurs the level of subsidies they need to keep dividend
checks flowing as they drive marginal wells into played-out fields,
securing America’s energy future in the process.” Senator
Inhofe said that he was “delighted” with the $135 billion
five-year subsidy plan. “It’s great news for our energy
sector and for America. And if the sushi-sucking Chicken Littles
of the greenie-weenie environmental left don’t like it, fuck
‘em!”
President Bush will continue his new approach to environmental issues
this week as he announces the addition of a Pacific redwood deck
to his home in Crawford, Texas, an upcoming lion hunting trip to
Kenya, and the purchase of Hummer H2s for daughters Barbara and
Jenna.
 Related:
Earth
Day 2003: Bush Trumpets Environmental Military Plan; Devises Gravity
Bomb
|
