11/12/02 -

Ice Cube and everyone else was rapping about beating up "bitchez" and kicking pregnant women in the belly. But back then it was "dangerous". Now its "original" and "artsy". Back then it was a black ghetto - oooh - that's not good. Now its a trailer park. Oh yeah! Now we can relate to that!

Tell me his shitty Casio-sounding beats are "fresh" and I might say "I s'pose you can look at it that way." Tell me his rhyming abilities are "unique and hypnotically rhythmic" or something. Fair enough - although I've heard other rappers run their mouths at a mile a minute (J5 is great without having to rely on that). But DO NOT have the balls to tell me his CONTENT is "fresh" or "new" or "daring" or any of that other bullshit!

And don't hand me "But how come blacks respect him?" - The answer is simple - branding. Well done, Dr. Dre! He's on the cover of Vibe magazine? Well he's down then. Instead of breaking their necks in adulation those rappers should be standing up and saying "What the fuck! We did this years ago!" But no. The music industry is a pimp and most of them are willing whores. Even Elton John is racing onto the stage to get his publicity shots in and push up album sales. But wait! They're good buddies! They have a lot in common! Oh yeah. Elton John is a broke motherfucker who would endorse the sound of farts coming out of my ass if it meant more interviews and more sales.

Let's commence with a list of common fallacies about Eminem, followed by effective responses you can serve up to idiots who insist he doesn't sound even more annoying than Shabba Ranks:

1. He really raps powerfully and candidly about growing up poor and white. His lyrics are only offensive to those who are unwilling to face the shocking reality of lower class life.

Anyone remember a generation or two ago, starting with (in the mainstream) The Message? What was gangster rap all about? It's all been done before. It was about the brutal reality of the black lower class neighborhood. And it was every bit as obscene and shocking as Eminem's lyrics. (Apparently shocking obscenity = quality, all of a sudden.)

2. Yeah but he's really reaching out to the white middle class with his message like no one before him did. The fact that white middle and upper class folks are afraid of him really exposes the class struggle going on in this country.

Gimme a fuckin break. White suburban kids grew up listening to gangster rap, and there was just as much an outcry then. The Ghetto Boys were going on raping sprees, Eazy-E was slappin bitches, and Ice Cube was killin whitey, who were all "faggots". Eminem one-upped them by talking about killing his mother instead of the ho he knocked up who is now carrying his child. That's called "breaking new ground" and being "fresh."

3. OK - but those rappers were serious - Eminem is satirical - he's smart. He doesn't really mean that stuff - he's just putting forth clever commentary about life and making you think.

Right. And Ice Cube and Bushwick Bill weren't to be taken with a grain of salt or to be considered satirical commentary. Especially when both guys went on to acting - comedy, nonetheless. By the way, you ever seen pics of Dre before he was a badass rapper? He was wearing more sequin than Robin Gibb, for fuck's sake!

3. Come on now, so many people are down with Eminem - and the black hip-hop community has embraced him. That means it's legitimate - it's got credibility!

Here's a little lesson about the music industry. It's a fuckin business. That means when a label or certain powerful and respected figures (i.e. Dr. Dre) promote an artist, it's in everyone's best interest to get on board, lavish the artist with respect, and get a piece of the action. You help promote the label's artist? Your record will get more sales for the label - and yourself. You might even be able to do a duet or get the said artist to mention "Yeah - he's one of my heroes!" Suddenly your back catalog, long since collecting dust, will see skyrocketing sales. The idea that black music is only legitimate if blacks like it is very typical of the white record-buying teenage public. They never stop to consider that pop hip hop radio, just like popular rock radio stations, are also loaded with the same 5 or 6 shit songs being played one after another. They don't stop to think that maybe the average urban black teenager they want so badly to imitate is not thinking "Well shit - white people love Dave Matthews and Linkin Park, so it must constitute great rock-n-roll!"

4. Well all the rock critics, cultural essayists, and "official media authorities" say he's great.

"'He comes at you with a torrent of language that sucks up and spits out the detritus of pop culture (from comic books to Versace) while marrying it to the rage, hurt and, occasionally, love that are at the core of his favourite subject, his own life."

This comes from a guy in his fifties who graduated from Harvard - obviously a man who understands the suffering of the Detroit ghetto. Firstly, this sounds familiar - such types were saying this about rappers a long time ago - and were never taken seriously by the white community. Now, however, it deserves attention in the New York Times. Look for Eminem to be embraced by the American conservative right, just like Ozzy has. Politicians don't ignore the prospects of millions of votes, no matter what their official "platforms" are.

5. He's considered the new Elvis!

Does anyone remember that white American rock-n-roll was defined by a record industry that plundered black and lower-class white country music, handed the songs to Elvis and the like, and made millions? Lieber and Stoller - two Jewish guys - were among a handful of music moguls who gathered black blues artists, took their songs, and gave them to Elvis and other polished, white performers. Why? Simple. In racist America, the white folks (the ones with the money) couldn't FIND any FUCKING BLUES ALBUMS! As teenagers, the Stones, The Who, The Beatles - they all actually bought records by BLACK PEOPLE! No wonder the British invasion caused such a stir! They were playing American music for American folks who DIDN'T KNOW IT EXISTED! Before the British Invasion, the only way white people could hear the blues or rural country music was if it was first stripped of spontaneity, rawness, wailing blue notes, and any tone of suffering. In other words, Elvis' renditions. Don't get me wrong. Elvis was a great performer. And his first band were great musicians. But it was blues stripped of meaning and packaged for whites, since they had the cash. What does Elvis represent today? For many, he represents something almost supernatural. For most of us, he represents the exact opposite of art - a brand; a package; an image. Eminem does write his own lyrics - or so he says. But before Dre, those lyrics were so riddled with black hip hop culture cliche it's amazing it's the same person on the mic.

Eminem himself admits it in the song "Without Me":

But its just me I'm just obscene
Though I'm not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley,
To do Black Music so selfishly
And use it to get myself wealthy

Something similar happened in another era - Philly soul and funk were softened and watered down with orchestral strings and white falsetto singing. What used to be a solid but small demographic (financially) turned into a huge, mostly white phenomenon - disco. It was bound to happen with hip-hop.

6. He Ripped on Moby

Well, Christ! That's like making fun of a quadriplegic! Leave the poor sap alone and try picking on a musician! In the Hip Hop world good rappers dis good rappers - not pathetic computer nerds!

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