No less than four B-52 bombers are required to hoist the monstrous FOAD bomb into place. Substituting technical complexity in favor of brute size, the shiny red 200,000 pound bomb is slated to be used in major cities in the way of new oil pipeline routes. Damascus was unavailable for comment.

On the Coattails of MOAB Success, Army Introduces 100 Ton "Father Of All Destruction" Bomb

4/7/03 - The "Massive Ordinance Air Burst" bomb, commonly referred to as the "Mother Of All Bombs" or MOAB, is about to be outperformed by a larger, more powerful weapon.

The US Military unveiled this morning a 200,000 lb "Father of all Destruction" bomb, a full 10 times more powerful than the MOAB. Already the FOAD has been relabeled by explosion enthusiasts like Howie Carr to the more epigrammatic "Fuck Off And Die."

The Pentagon is unsure as to the original technical name from which the acronym FOAD was derived, although a few sources speaking on condition of anonymity suggested it may have meant "Fabulously Ordinary Atomic Dynamite", "Feel Our American Democratization", "Friends! Open Arms! Dance!", or "Forgive Our Abbreviated Diplomacy".

Still others offered up "Fireworks On Armageddon Day", "Favored Over Acting Decently", "Forcefully Open All Doors", "Fantastic Orwellian American Defense", "Fire One At Dissidents", and "For Oil And Dictatorship"

In a related story, as consumerism and militarism are more related than most realize, M&M/Mars has introduced the MOAB's first consumer product spinoff, the "Mother of All Nougat". The 200 pound Snickers "MOAN Bar", made of thick extra dark chocolate, "Reeeeaaaaally Satisfies" according to the seductive voice in the new advert.