France Raises Threat Level To Merlot
Directive Changes From "Run" To "Hide"

4/5/04 - Amid rumors of bomb plans on major croissant distributors, France raised its terror threat alert from White Zinfandel to Merlot. This is the first time the level has been raised into the true reds, and French citizens are expected to act accordingly by immediately electing a communist and hiding in their wine cellars.

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