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National Republican Weather Service Predicts
Hurricane Kyle to Strike Florida With 400 MPH Winds
Projections of Hurricane Kyle are
shown in this forecast released late Saturday by the National
Republican Weather Service. The hurricane, with maximum sustained
winds estimated at 400 miles per hour, is expected to hit
Miami, Fort Myers, Orlando (twice) and the Tampa Bay area
before settling into the Gulf of Mexico. |
10/5/02 - Floridians
were shocked Saturday night to learn of the emergency bulletin released
by the newly created National Republican Weather Service (NRWS),
which is predicting Hurricane Kyle to make landfall Sunday afternoon
with winds of up to 400 mph. More disturbing was the storms estimated
track, taking the hurricane through Orlando onto Fort Myers by 7pm
that night, north on I-95 the following morning up through Miami,
then hitting Orlando again before swinging through Tampa after midnight
Tuesday morning.
"We
assume the storm will hit Florida twice. Citizens have to be vigilant.
We have to assume there's more there than we know,"
said NRWS President Dick Cheney. "Just like Iraq,
just like Anthrax,
just like
the chance of more attacks, this storm could potentially reach
winds of 400 mph, or more."
The
National Republican Weather Service, a Washington D.C. think-tank-turned-propaganist-meteorological-center,
are the exclusive providers of global weather monitoring for the
Bush Administration, concentrating on weather-related threats to
Homeland Security and how to take advantage of them. Dick Cheney,
with plenty of extra space and lots of machinery in his secure location,
was appointed to head the fledging weather service.
"He really had a ton of room down there. Miles upon miles of
caverns, and it continues expanding through close
association with the mining industry" reported NRWS spokesman
and Republican anagramist Bruce Plains. "Teeny Guys Chili,"
he added.
Meanwhile,
Jeb Bush is said to be "trigger-finger ready" to invoke
Executive
Order Number 01-261, establishing Martial Law, maybe,
should the storm indeed make landfall.
"Yah,
he probably will" mentioned Democratic gubernatorial candidate
Bill McBride. "On 9/11, when New York City and the Washington
D.C. was attacked, he
put Florida under a State of Emergency. He's a tad excitable,
and with this election and hurricane coming, it would make sense
for him to declare Martial Law and avoid the November election.
 Calls to Yes Jeb! Action Center went unanswered,
and the front
page of the www.jeb.org website has been replaced with a stern
warning about the impending hurricane attack. Noelle Bush was unavailable
for treatment.
Spank Me Jeb!
What do you do with a man that believes "temporary
and superficial bruises or welts do not constitute child abuse".
Someone that has rallied against abortion and gay couples forming
families, and emphasized that husbands have ``final say in any family
dispute''?
If you're a Bush, specifically a Jeb Bush, you give that man $150,000
in salary and have him run Florida's
already-awful Department of Children and Families!
Congratulations
go out to Jerry Regier on a job well deserved! And congrats go
to Jeb Bush, a man doing an *outstanding* job looking after the best
interests of the people in need. Holy crap! Florida, you've
GOTTA get this guy reelected!! |
