2004
ARCHIVE
|
8/23/04 |
 |
Southern
California Rocked as Massive Explosion at Weapons Facility
Sends Earth Into Slowed Rotation
Arizona Said To Be "Crispy" |
8/18/04 |
 |
Plan
On Smashing That Starbucks Window? How About A Grande Frappamochachino
On Us Instead!
Bloomberg to Award Protestors
with Discounted Tickets to Crappy Restaurants and Plays |
8/15/04 |
 |
Love Boat
Veterans Attack Kerry's Love Record
Gopher:
"Sure He Might Have Been On The Love Boat But He Did
NOT Make A Love Connection" |
7/25/04 |
 |
$20 Billion Bid
From FOX Secures Exclusive Rights To 2005-2008 War Coverage
Long Time Humor is Dead Readers Getting
The Sense We've Said Everything We're Gonna Say |
6/21/04 |
 |
Bill Clinton's
Funeral Planned For October
Strategist
Aim For Fundraising, Kerry Poll Boost |
5/12/04 |
 |
Hell
Outsourced To India
Multi-armed Ganesh
Able To Discipline Four Workers At Once |
5/10/04 |
 |
Military
Personnel Unsure How To Cut Abu Ghraib Prison Population In
Half
Across The Waist, Or Head To
Toe? |
5/6/04 |
 |
Wal*Mart's
Asterisk Crashes Onto Unsuspecting, Thrifty Customers
Falling Prices Joined by Falling Punctuation |
4/30/04 |
 |
Bush,
City May Face Arrest At Republican National Convention Under
New Law
Illegal OxyContin
and Viagra In Audience Puts Alan Jackson And Scores Of Other
Talentless Performers At Risk |
4/26/04 |
 |
Name
Change Brings Big Results
"Toys for Tits" Foundation
Rolling In Donations |
4/26/04 |
 |
Live
Broadcast Debacle Superimposes Janet's Breast Onto Flag-Draped
Coffin of Returning Soldier
Adding to Suspected Fines,
Newscaster Exclaims Obscenity During Two-Second Fiasco |
4/23/04 |
 |
Bush
Makes Earth Day Appearance
Spreads
Pre-Emptive "Fuck The Planet" Message |
4/17/04 |
 |
Concert
Review: Buckethead & Particle
April 9, 2004 Irving Plaza,
NYC |
4/13/04 |
 |
The
Revolution Is Upon Us. It Starts At Sherwin-Williams.
Millions Accept Corporate Logo as Sign
of Pending Wrath of God |
4/5/04 |
 |
France
Raises Threat Level To Merlot
Directive
Changes From "Run" To "Hide" |
3/31/04 |
 |
Sex
With Kittens Does NOT Cure Cancer, Say Experts |
3/26/04 |
 |
Selves
Threaten Themselves With Consumption |
3/23/04 |
 |
"Humor"
Website Attempts to Cash In On Popular Search Terms By Loading
Up Title Tag With Jibberish |
3/5/04 |
 |
Jehovah's Witnesses
Said To Be "Buzzing" About Nader Announcement |
3/1/04 |
 |
Decomposed Body
of Quizno's Spokesthing Found in Local Laundromat's Lint Trap |
2/26/04 |
|
Burberry-Clad Zombie
Positively Identified as "Yuppie" |
2/21/04 |
 |
Winner of Annual
Acronym Awards is a No-Show |
2/17/04 |
 |
Last Minute Meddling
With Race Rules Blamed For Crashes And Fatalities At Daytona
500 |
2/11/04 |
 |
Billy Squier, Eddie
Money Square Off in Bar Fight Over Jukebox Selection |
2/5/04 |
 |
Appearance Of Female
Flesh Lump During Annual Sweaty Men In Tights Engaging In
Homoerotic Tackling and Fumbling Competition Enrages Gay Men |
2/3/04 |
 |
Shadow Government
Emerges From Hole, Sees Shadow |
| 1/21/04 |
 |
Report:
Support For Raymond Continues To Drop |
| 1/14/04 |
 |
Following Opening
of Weigh Station Along Ohio/Indiana Border, Planets Unexpectedly
Arrange In Heliocentric Alignment |
1/9/04 |
 |
Mission Accomplished:
Bush finds Iraq's WMD |
| 1/6/04 |
 |
More And
More Domestic Violence Being Shipped Abroad |
