Jiffy Pop Dirty Bomb Plot Foiled...er...Unfoiled

6/17/02 - Authorities foiled a terrorist plot to detonate a Jiffy Pop over a campfire in a highly-populated urban center. Federal Agents stormed the apartment of Al K. Aida last Friday night and found firewood, matches, marshmallows, a lantern, and several packages of Jiffy Pop.



Despite the lack of detailed plans, agents say Mr. Aida planned on piling the logs in a busy public area, starting a small, controlled fire, and placing the Jiffy Pop "way too close to the flame - dangerously close." Such an action would result in an explosion that would leave dozens with contusions, welts, and "hot oily kernels buried in their flesh". An unlucky few would be left dead - suffocated under a mound of hot popcorn. Such a blast would leave a pungent burnt popcorn

a Jiffy Pop dirty bomb about to detonate on a hapless crowd

stench that could cover an area the size of Staten Island, according to John Ashcroft. The event would be economically devastating - for Orville Redenbacher.

The administration slammed the Attorney General for downplaying the effects of a Jiffy Pop Dirty Bomb explosion, especially since official reports say the plans included an additional bomb made of pop rocks and several liters of coca-cola. The resulting blast of both bombs would be hundreds of times more potent, leveling nearby buildings and killing Mikey from the Life Cereal ads, according to experts.

George Bush made a stern plea to American citizens to keep Jiffy Pop under close supervision and to use it with extreme care and respect.