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 ---reader
submission---
Al Qaeda Announces Layoffs
11/18/01
- In a move that shows the best evidence yet this truly is a global
economy, the terrorist group Al Qaeda announced widespread layoffs
today.
"Unfortunately, waging war on the Great Satan takes money,
and with the recent economic downturn, we now have to streamline
our ranks," stated Rahid Abdullah Mohammad Mohammad, the head
of finances for Al Qaeda.
"We're not like the Palestinians. Our idea of a successful
fatwa includes more than just rocks and a few sticks of dynamite,"
Mohammad Mohammad went on to say.
Defense Department Spokesman Francis McKee pointed to the announcement
as a positive sign the war on terrorism is moving along as planned.
"This
is just the beginning. I think we're going to see a real decrease
in the number of car-bombers, suicide pilots and you garden variety
fundamentalists," McKee said.
Al Qaeda's official spokesman credited bad investments for the current
economic situation, saying the US military's role was less of a
factor.
Although McKee is doubtful of Al Qaeda's claim, he concedes, "A
V-shaped economic recovery in the United States in 2002 may be a
sign for Al Qaeda to rehire some of the displaced holy warriors."
Hamid Fawzailli, who last month was employed with Al Qaeda's Jamaa'atul-Jihaad
as an explosive specialist, is now looking for work at the Pashtun
Market.
"Opportunities are hard to come-by. With Jamaa'atul-Jihaad
I had an identity - a life. Now I see hundreds of my ex-coworkers
on the streets. It saddens the me," said Fawzailli.
A visibly shaken Fawzailli added, "We had our place in life:
bombings, hijackings, and global terrorism. Now nothing makes any
sense."
"Allah may protect us from the infidel's bombs, but even Mohammad
the Holy One had to eat." |
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