Study: 99.9999999% Unable to Make A Difference - Should Stop Trying

6/22/02 - Research shows that 99.9999999% of the world's population is simply unable to make a difference, let alone change the world, and should immediately stop trying. According to the researchers, a detailed analysis of human history reveals a startling trend of excess ineffectual and futile activity performed under false pretenses and misguided inspiration.

The 6 people in charge of the study, who also happen to be the .0000001% whose actions actually do make a difference, now have a legitimate argument that the rest of the population sit down, shut up, and bend over without bitching and moaning about it. Furthermore, all charities and senseless acts of goodwill should cease immediately, since they are useless.

The results come just as Congress is pushing for a ban on random acts of kindness, which have been cited as "a complete waste of time and energy." Under the new "You Cannot Make A Difference" laws, all hippies are subject to brutal beatings without due process, to be delivered by anyone who damn well feels like it - something the populace approves of unanimously. The Make A Difference Foundation will officially change it's name to the You're Wasting Your Time Council.