The writer of this piece has since been fired by the staff of Humor is Dead, and has already secured his first book deal reportedly worth six-figures - that prick. -ed

Editors of Satirical Website Concerned: Staff Writers' Latest Submission May Be Falsified
Article May Have Been Fabrication, But Date of Submission Makes It a Dead Giveaway

5/43/03 - "There's something great about a president that can land a jet on an aircraft carrier. It was too far to go by helicopter, per the State Department, even though the reporters assembled on the flight deck could see San Diego. Oh that Bush, you just gotta love him."

"No, actually, you don't," says a voice across the room, and another endless debate begins on whether Bush is the son of God or the reincarnation of Hitler.

Amazing, to this writer, that you have people thinking, as He does himself, He has been chosen by God, and then you have His grandfather who funded the Nazis. Polar opposites of logic - faith and truth, yet both are acceptable approaches to debate.

Here at the Mass. Debater Society's annual Debate-a-palooza in Latham, Massachusetts, the words pierce the air at rapid pace. This writer, for one, enjoyed the heated debate and deluxe accommodations for which reimbursement has not been asked.

"There's so few truths surfacing through the broadly available media channels that most people cannot accurately assess whether the President is 'pure good' or 'pure evil'. That's a wide range of quintessence - producing an assessment as vague as the terror alert system. Yet, we know the exact length, girth, color, and quirky shape of the previous President's cock."

"But he tortured his own people!", snickers back the inconvincibles.

The message of all this? The only way to capture the essence of pure truth is too gather as much of the information as possible, assess all of it by assigning probabilities that one piece of data can confirm another, and so on, using the law of parsimony for lack of any better means to judge. The summation of all truths, no matter the quantity of truth accepted as valid, will lead all to the same epiphany: money is everything, I mean everything, and I mean everything.