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 Meat
the Press
1/6/02 - AOL-merger thorn Ted Turner has turned meat-pimp
as he opens up a chain of "Ted's Montana Grill", specializing
in some of his own personally bred buffalo to be served on a bun.
Turner's 10,000+
head of bison, sprawling over 1,000,000+ acres over several states,
is about to become an even
larger cash cow, especially if he and the rest of the "luxury
ranchers" get
further aid from the U.S. government due to the terrorist attacks.
And what if buffalo burgers
do become the most awkward new eating craze since frozen yogurt?
Ted already has a whole arkful of endangered animals at his disposal
for a follow-up dish. Open up the Turner
Endangered Species Fund, and we've got  wolf,
bighorn sheep, and future plans for expansion into condor, all of
which have great potential for being delicious, could be subsidized
as "specialty foods" from the government, and breaking
fewer rules in the quickly crumbling and Bushwhacked
Environmental Protection Agency.
Next week: Bill Gates Founds Bald Eagle Cloning Farm --- Plans
To Serve In Buckets With Mashed Potatoes.
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