Audio,
Video, Rich Media Files Have Always Been Small
(a sarcasmentary)
9/2/01
- An independent report has revealed that popular multimedia files
such as MP3 and MPG have always been small and easily transferable.
"Compression", as it is understood by the populace, is
entirely a falsehood perpetrated by IT manufacturers in a mad drive
to inflate profit margins. In reality, these small files - a full-length
album can actually fit on 20K of space - have been systematically
"embiggened (tm)" in order to necessitate the purchase
of large numbers of storage devices and hardware. Additionally,
the embiggened(tm) files are systematically treated with inconsistencies
and static in order to drive consumers to purchase more and more
expensive entertainment systems. "John Q", an anonymous
informant who works at Time Warner's "Embiggening(tm) Department",
discusses the business:
"You
see, we have always been able to produce high quality, low bandwidth
audio, video, and web animation. But we saw a problem - the profit
potential was not nearly high enough. There was no way we could
allow such technologies into consumer hands. The entertainment
industry - especially porn - would suffer greatly. In the mid-eighties,
The Compression Consortium was founded, which included executives
from firms such as Microsoft and Cisco, Bell Labs, and MIT. By
introducing the concept of "compression", we were able
to convince the public, and even the scientific community, that
multimedia files were actually extremely large. Such an approach
has proven invaluable to our business."
"Advertising
has only made the outlook brighter." Joe adds. "We partner
with companies such as Doubleclick, a third party ad server, to
justify increased prices for storage and delivery of rich media
content and transfer these 'costs' to their clients. At the end
of the day, when we have all the ducks lined up, it's a win-win
for everyone involved."
The industry
approach is extremely shrewd. Every few years the compression
consortium, operating in secret, drops a new "compression"
technology (mp3, for example) and draws huge benefits from licensing
and partnership deals for years to come. In the meantime, the
industry can lobby against the "compression" technology
they have themselves introduced and then collect enormous profits
from political contributions and court decisions. Some progressive
analysts see a similar strategy in the American War on Drugs,
but we'll leave that up to the reader.
Coming Soon:
Revolutionary Palm Pilot Supports
98 trillion colors: Made of pen and paper!
