NAACP Claims Black M&Ms Miscounted in Recent Vote for New Color
Convoluted Election Process Coupled With Lapses In Quality Control Blamed

Marketing materials obtained by Humor Is Dead included this depiction of "The Black M&M" (top), the odd "Pink Eminem M&M" (above), "Purple M" (not pictured), and "Aquaman" (not pictured), all produced by Mars, Inc., ahead of Wednesday's announcement of purple as the new M&M color.

Below: A few samples of the uncounted M&M in the recent "Vote the Color", including "smear marks", a couple of "double-strike marks", and a "wet mark".

6/19/02 - While M&M/Mars announced the winning of purple as the new M&M color Wednesday night, a large contingent of disenfranchised voters, led by the NAACP, continue to push for an independent commission to investigate allegations that a significant number of black votes had been thrown out in the voting/manufacturing process.

Rather than simply tabulate the votes recorded via internet vote and mail-in ballot, each vote cast in the M&M "vote for the new color" contest was tied directly to color coating process on the factory floor. Thereby, each vote would produce an actual M&M candy coated in the color of the voters choice, and the tabulation of the candies, rather than the actual votes, constituted the winner.

Mars Inc., the very private company that feeds millions of Earth citizens daily, is under fire from many in the black community. No stranger to color controversy, Hispanics were outraged when 'tan' was replaced with 'blue' back in 1995. Conspiracy Smurf could not be reached for comment.

The NAACP, in papers filed early Thursday morning, claim that flaws in the final stage of the manufacturing process for the black-coated M&Ms yielded irregularities, causing the M&M's to be removed from the production line by quality control. These irregularities centered around the 'm' printing mechanism, which produces the little 'm' on the M&M's, commonly referred to as "marks".

"We saw double-strike marks, blurred marks, running marks, pregnant marks, all of which deemed 'not a vote'. There were tens of thousands of black candies tossed out, more than enough for the black M&M to have been chosen as the new color. These same flaws were not present on the production lines coloring the aqua, purple, and pink M&Ms.", said NAACP President and CEO Kweisi Mfume, in a prepared statement to the inattentive media.

"Call it archaic, or call it our marketing driving the rest of the process, but this is the system we use, and we have no future plans to improve the [embarrassingly antiquated voting] system," commented Harry Bush, Vice President of Corporate Security and Intellectual Property for Mars, Inc.

Many legal professionals believe the NAACP will have a difficult time arguing their case, as the media storm thus far has concentrated solely on the trivial aspects of the M&M defects rather than the underlying foul play that might have hampered a democratic voting process. As media meat puppets and hack newspaper cartoonists chime endlessly on the frivolousness of the "marks", they have essentially demoted the seriousness of the claim to a comic level in the minds of voters.

"The people have spoken, and the problems have been identified, but a decision has been made," commented Rod Scrotumowski, Vice President of Deliberate Tampering. "I wouldn't expect a reversal. The most that people should expect at this point would be an apology, which we will issue only if the court deems it necessary."