Orange You Glad You Don't Ask Questions?
9/10/02 - Less than a week ago a story started making the rounds about a guy that just awoke from a coma. This phenomenon does happen with some level of frequency, but to think of it happening last Saturday makes it all the more explorable. If any of the media blueshirts are trying to get the movie/book/IP rights, then I'm taking dibs.

Pete has been in a coma since March 1995. A few months before Jerry Garcia died, back when AOL had "only" 3 million members, and yes, during the OJ Simpson trial, but before he was found not guilty. Upon waking up in the middle of the night, he startles Mr. Joe American working the night shift. The exchange would probably have gone like this...

Pete: So, was he guilty?
Joe: Who?
Pete: OJ
Joe: No, but then yes.
Pete: Meaning...?
Joe: He moved to Florida.

Pete pauses. Until...

Joe: You've been in a coma, uh, says here.
Pete: For how long? What year is it?
Joe: 2002

"Man, I'm really starring in my own Twilight Zone episode", think Pete and Joe separately. Both pause, as after this initial banter, protocol would probably involve calling doctors, family members, the press, etc. But until someone of serious medical or sentimental significance arrives, this exchange would undoubtedly continue.

Pete: OK, who's President?
Joe: George Bush
Pete: Again?
Joe: No, his son.

Pete pauses again. Pete then moves his mouth to say something, then pauses again.

Pete: Who'd he lose to?
Joe: Al Gore
Pete: Ah. That must have been close.
Joe: You have no idea.

Pete pauses yet again, during which time Joe considers discussing the election, but then figures it best not to mention it at this point. Ultimately, thought Joe, Pete would eventually ask how they finally decided the new President and Joe would have to tell him.

Pete: Well, is he doing a good job?
Joe: At one point, he had a 90% approval rating.
Pete: Wow. Pretty good I suppose.
Joe: Yah, well, it was right after the attacks
Pete: The attacks?
Joe: Insert events of 9/11 here. For added effect, add in the Anthrax attacks, the war on all things evil, or, not good like us, the Patriots as Super Bowl Champions, and a "Diamondbacks" team winning the last World Series.
Pete: Crimminy.
Joe: And everyone's got a cell phone now.

Pete realizes that he has heard only of recent events, and of course, sleeping through the turn of the millennium is kind of a bummer. So after taken the state of current events, he hesitantly asks:

Pete: So what else happened? Before the "Attacks", and the "Election"?
Joe: Well, in short, Clinton remained President through 2000, in which time he got a blowjob from an intern. Also, there was this computer error called the Y2K bug, which threaten to destroy the planet, but nothing happened. Other than that, not much. The market was up but back down again.
Pete: Gosh, that Y2K thing sounds scary.
Joe: Yah, but there was a lot of warning.
Pete: Was there any warning of the attacks last September 11?
Joe: Nope.
Pete: How about now?
Joe: For a while there, we had warnings every day. But we now have it color coded. It's Yellow today, or, medium.
Pete: Medium, like...
Joe: Steak? Something like that.

So Pete goes home to his family to start catching up on his personal life, while still reading up on world and trivial events. He also, quickly, is attune to the fact that the first anniversary is only days away, senses the mood, and is certainly curious of the tone, being someone that literally WAS in a coma on 9/11/01.

Tuesday morning he has lunch (or breakfast, since technically Pete is from Hawaii) with Joe. During the meal, a breaking news story appears, informing them that we are now at Threat Code: Orange.

Pete: Why is it an orange day?
Joe: Apparently, a higher risk of attack
Pete: So, what's that mean? What do we do?
Joe: Be more, uh, vigilant, I suppose.
Pete: Seriously, Joe, What does this mean? If yellow was "medium", are we now, "done", like the steak?
Joe: Perhaps, I don't know.
Pete: Does this happen often? Are we going back down to "Green" soon?
Joe: That would be rare.
Pete: Why?
Joe: We've been at yellow since they started color-coding terror. This is the first time we've gone to Orange.
Pete: But ...
Joe: Stop asking so many questions.