Parody Of Parody Unacceptable, Says Parody Website
Terms "Local", "Area" Also Used Illegally

3/11/03 - Landmark legal proceedings were kicked off yesterday, as an area website was slammed with a trademark infringement suit for referencing a certain garden vegetable, unmentionable in this particular article. Initial plans to change "The Onion-o-matic" to "The Bunionator" or "The Scallion" were scrapped when local webmasters realized they were illegitimate sons of Papua New Guinean diplomats, making them immune to American copyright laws.

Johnny Cochran, who plans on representing the area webmasters, made an official statement regarding the case.

"The idea that a local, unknown website can produce parody based on the juxtaposition of local, unknown people with national and international events is...well...it's just a preposterous accusation. My client has nothing to do with such activities. If the glove fits, wear it!"

The lawsuit is based on the Parody Trademark Law of 2002, which declares that parody websites can legally use trademarked logos and brands, but should other parody websites attempt to parody a parody brand, they shall be forced to desist immediately. In a 2003 amendment to the law, such "parody of parody" perpetrators may be legally considered "unlawful enemy combatants" and be denied legal representation and sent to Gitmo, as well they should be.

This case may prove to be even stickier, as Mr. Adem Tabib claims to have a direct lineage to Kerem Tabib, who is generally acknowledged to have been the first to domesticate the garden delight known as "The Onion" in The Fertile Crescent of Ancient Mesopotamia - long before websites were around. Mr. Tabib hopes to protect what he considers his trademark.

Lawyers of the following companies also lined up in preparation for legal action "regardless of what the UN weapons inspectors find or don't find at Onion headquarters.": Coca-Cola, Taco Bell, RC Cola, Hershey's, Starbucks, IBM, Microsoft, Apple, Burger King, McDonald's, Gatorade, Barnes & Noble, CNN, FOX, Nike.