The Revolution
Is Upon Us. It Starts At Sherwin-Williams Millions Accept Corporate Logo as Sign of Pending
Wrath of God.
The Sherwin-Williams logo features blood red paint splashing
upon the Earth's surface and dripping from the equator. It is
accompanied by the motivational / doomsayer rally cry of "Cover
The Earth".
4/13/04 - "The
non-believers shall bathe in blood, the lamb of God!" says young
marketing executive Gordon Jordan of the Sherwin-Williams paint company.
"And that's what we love about him. His pep, his get-up-and-go
attitude, we encourage that," said Gordon's boss Lester Marshall,
Vice President of Clandestine Marketing Tactics. "We mean business."
Indeed. It appears the imagery and rally cry of "Cover The Earth",
used as a training tool to motivate the salesforce of Sherwin-Williams
Paints, closely resembles the tactics used to initiate jihad.
So - does that mean a marketing sales representative and a terrorist
operative are both mentally instructed in the desire to dominate and
destroy? If a representative of the American government can call the
national union of teachers a terrorist organization, then we here
at Humor is Dead have little qualm over comparing the marketing "power
tie" to a terrorist's "power belt"
"It's the end of days," says Jon Hanlon, a guy walking past
us as we were taking pictures of the Sherwin-Williams sign. "They've
confirmed that Mars once supported an abundance of life. And it's
red, why? Catastrophe of biblical proportions. It happens here next."
Closer inspection of the blood-covered Earth reveals that the site
of initial impact appears to be somewhere on the North American Continent,
possibly Alaska or the Yukon Territory. From this vantage point, Brazil,
the continent of Africa, and the Iberian peninsula survive the Apocalypse
unscathed.
Well, based on that, it is this reporters opinion that the war to
end all wars is shortly upon us, and safe haven in Canada can no longer
be considered based on the above imagery. If you are lucky enough
to afford the trip to Australia - possibly the safest and habitable
continent on the planet following the inevitable nuclear war - we
suggest signing up for expedia.com and try the 'fare compare'. Back
to you in studio.
Thanks Rob. And now let's turn it over to Larry Wonkum in the Action12
Weather Center. Larry?
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