South of the Border Liberated
Hundreds Freed From Tourist Trap; Looting Proves To Be Unrewarding Experience

4/18/03 - While the world watched Tuesday afternoon, Coalition Forces exited I-95 and marched right into the center of South of the Border, home of tacky roadside icon Pedro, his sub-par amusement rides, and dozens of marketplaces peddling iconoclastic wares.

The toppling of the huge Pedro statue follows weeks of heavy bombardment of the tourist trap by allied planes, which completely destroyed the famed sombrero water tower, took out numerous information kiosks, and sent many innocent vacationers to the hospital or early graves. Once liberated however, those with functioning limbs and internal organs cleaned the place out - taking with them anything that wasn't nailed down, but for the most part just the fireworks.

The US State Department issued a fair warning to those tourist regimes that still employ Methods of Mass Distraction, namely, hundreds of miles of marginally amusing roadside advertisements.

"You're either with us, or your with the tourists," noted Ari Fleischer in comments early this morning. Wall Drug could not be reached for comment.