Bush Declares South Of The Border A National Cultural Heritage Site

8/6/02 - South of the Border, a 360-acre roadside attraction on I-95 in South Carolina, is home to hundreds of plastic knickknacks, fast food, and neon fun. Bush is so fond of the 200-foot sombrero tower that it will be declared a national monument, like the Washington Monument or the Jefferson Memorial. Bush hopes to name it Bush Tower and add a likeness of him giddily peering through the binoculars on the very top of it.

"I like it here," Bush explained. "It shows Americans that Mexico is technically part of America, too, even though it's not in Mexico but it...it appeals to Spanish people in America and makes us realize that there is more to America than, than non-Hispanic things."

Bush, like many Americans, likes to relax at the miniature golf course and then dine on Mexican cuisine at the bright green Loco Taco. He regularly updates his collection of small plastic flamingoes on his way out of South of the Border. He plans on tripling the neon emissions at the site, requiring an upgrade of South Carolina's electric grid to support the 350,000 new bulbs needed in addition to the 2.8 million flashing bulbs already in use there.