A search for 'iraqi news' using Yahoo!'s search engine yields, as it's fourth web match choice, "IraqNet", which was labeled a "cool" site by terrorists working inside the popular portal. Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge has called for this "internet worm of evil" to be shut down.

Al Qaida Sleeper Cell Uncovered in Sunnyvale
Iraqi News Site Categorized As "Cool" By Yahoo! Employee Called "Credible Threat"

2/7/03 - Hundreds of Department of Justice officials joined recently-realigned INS agents in an early-morning raid yesterday of Yahoo!'s offices in Sunnyvale, California. Based on evidence culled out of the now defunct Operation TIPS federal talebearing system, it was determined that the website was "not only linked to enemy combatants that supported terrorism, but heralded the evildoers as 'cool'."

"The source of much anti-Americanism was proven to be spreading from this popular portal, and I order the Justice Department to shut this internet worm of evil down." continued a jurisdictionally confused and overwhelmed head of the Homeland Security Department / namesake of the international airport in appropriately named "Erie".

Stocks of Yahoo! plunged 98% on news of the raid, and an investigation into the increased activity in "put options" on Yahoo! stock in the days before the raid had already begun as of this morning . In a random telephone poll, when respondents were asked about their disapproval for the sudden abandonment of the investigation, an alarming 85% said "Hey, will you shut up? American Idol is on!"

"Iraq is not 'cool', and treason is not 'cool'," stated an irate John Ashcroft, star of a new series of commercials aimed at teaching the evils of treason to teen and pre-teen audiences. The six-part "You're-Cool-When-You-Think-America-Is-Cool" campaign, a slogan (and Justice Department) some advocates are calling "forced", features the Attorney General rapping to a new hip-hop remix of his breakout hit "Let The Eagle Soar" while illustrating examples of proper patriotism and the benefits of conformity.

"They will be persecuted ... PROSecuted, er, I mean, in a court of law ... MARTIAL law, uh ... in, a military tribunal, where they will be brought to, justice, for good," said Bush, speaking behind a short stack of boxes containing intercontinental missiles that had their 'Made in USA' labels taped over and replaced with 'Made for Iraq'." The international community has made every effort to show that they are available for comment.