Above: Jehovah's Witnesses have added "snorting cocaine
through a two-dollar bill", "medical care", and
"skinny Africans" to their signs of the apocalypse
list, joining traditional symbols like "mushroom cloud"
and "terrorist / hooded soldier".
Below: Apparently, "the way" to salvation
is just north of the industrial park, then hang a right when
you see the glowing Christ, or whatever it is this oddly uncomforting
crowd is looking at. Perhaps it's a television on election night
showing that Nader actually
won the presidency,
a sure sign of Armageddon itself.
Jehovah's Witnesses Said To Be "Buzzing"
About Nader Announcement
3/5/04 - Things could not be sweeter
for the folks waiting patiently all these years for the world to
end.
With Nader's announcement to enter the presidential race on Feb. 22,
some fundamentalist Christian groups that are pushing for accelerated
Armageddon are said to be "buzzing" with the prospect of
four more years of Bush. The Jewish community is also thankful for
Nader's entry into the contest, suring up financial support from the
Christian Evangelical community. This is good, for the moment,
much the same as sex with an amazing porn star with AIDS is good,
for the moment.
But no special interest group is more elated than the Jehovah's Witnesses,
one of the few oddball cults to have its own category of "Rehabilitation
for Former Members." For them, life couldn't be sweeter,
er, deadlier - we guess.
Their door-to-door sales-apostles have been doing double-shifts in
Democrat strongholds to whip up support for the independent candidate
and the second coming. Most
observant evangelical Protestants will most likely vote Bush again.
Either way, Bush staying in the White House is just one step on the
road to Rapture, but America will need a little help from its friends.
"Just like in Passion of the Christ, you know in that part
where the Jews kill Christ and thereby create Christians? Christians
need the Jews help again in clearing land from the Nile to the
Babylon," continues Hanz.
Hence, America
helps. That, and oil = everything, is basically all that's happening
here on Earth.
In a related aside, exactly what moment are eccentric billionaires
waiting for before they start pooling their money into space travel?
A space-based Biosphere project ... hellllllo?
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