We
Should All Watch CNN
9/18/01
- We did it again today. Our fingers were rattling on the refresh
button on CNN.com while the angelic voice of Christine Amanpour
was caressing our ears. We love CNN. Everyone should love CNN.
This doesn’t mean you can’t take a break in the morning and read
a newspaper too. It’s a free country, after all. If you live in
New York, like we do, you should religiously read The
New York Post. If you’re not lucky enough to have easy access
to this fine beacon of truth, then any USA Today should do just
as well.
Just today, CNN provided the in-depth coverage we ache for. And
like most Americans, we didn’t bother with reading the actual
story. The headlines will do just fine, thank you. Look at some
of these gems:
Bin
Laden exploits technology to suit his needs
Earth-shattering! Shocking! How dare this monster use any piece
of technology in his mad pursuit of power and devastation! To
think that any man, woman, child, or nation would think to use
technology for such a purpose!
…terrorists
like Osama Bin Laden are raising money in Britain via charities
and petty crime.
Unreal! This
crusty old curmudgeon! This modern day Fagin is not even averse
to dispatching droves of pick-pocketing Oliver Twists all about
Old London Town! No wonder Tony Blair is so angry!
Hijackers likely skilled with Fake IDs
Fascinating! We at HID are appalled! Now we may have been skilled
in the production of fake IDs at one time ourselves. But we were
under age 21. We know better now!
We couldn’t bear any more of this breaking news. Our blood pressure
was boiling with vengeance. Our intellect was so over-stimulated
that neurons were smoldering. And then we came across this one:
Hunt for terrorists stretches beyond bin Laden
No! It couldn’t be! There are more than one of these fiends traipsing
around those subhuman Arab cesspools? This was the final straw,
in our eyes. This is a clear-cut situation we’re in here. Smoke
‘em out of their holes! They may have boxcutters and fake ID’s,
but we’ve got scores of bombs, rockets, and missiles to make those
fanatics pay! CNN - keep on keepin' on! At least there still is
a bastion of insight out there. Someone to ratiocinate the issues
and serve em' up like piping hot chicken McNuggets! Mmm mmm good!
