Evil Axis Hires Vince McMahon, Aims For Marketing Blitz
Iron Sheik to Make WWE Comeback

5/8/02 - The Evil Axis and their friends, Evil Axis II (Syria, Cuba, and Libya) have teamed up with Vince McMahon, WWE mastermind (née WWF mastermind), in an effort to capitalize on their notoriety and win over fans. Instead of allowing the label to tarnish their image, the plan is to use it to raise market awareness, heighten exposure, and appeal to a youthful tendency toward rebellion and intrigue.

"This was an amazing opportunity for us", said the Iron Sheik, cold war WWF heavyweight champion. McMahon explains, "Prior to the 1990's the WWF formula was simple, kind of like the Cold War policies. Good guys were clean cut, came from the U.S. or countries friendly to the U.S., never fought dirty, and represented good old-fashioned values. The crowd cheered for the Good Guys all the time. Bad guys were always crude foreigners who fought dirty or looked and acted too strange to fit in at school. During the nineties, something happened. Fans may have secretly rooted for the sneaky Asian or the strange Arabian snake-charming communist, but never openly cheered them on. By 1995 it was all over. The lines had blurred to the point that every long haired, underhanded, cheating, unshaven, evil-looking bad guy was getting all the attention. The good guy-bad guy formula had to be thrown out. In fact, the "Bad Guys" have been by far the most marketable and profitable characters in the (non-panda-loving) WWF.

The Evil Axis had a sort of epiphany after consulting with McMahon and several advertising firms over the last few months. Simply put, Americans love a bad guy, and Bush's speeches may be just the pick-me-up countries like Libya and Syria need after languishing in obscurity for so long in American markets.

A handful of firms have picked up on these rising star's market potential and are licensing action figures and trading cards featuring the Evil Axis. There are even action figures of domestic serial killers. This is just the tip of the iceberg. The Iron Sheik is planning on a return to the ring as a manager whose entourage includes an unsavory cigar-smoking Latin American, a suicide-bombing olive-hued masked crusader, and a shifty-eyed Asian who keeps a cache of papier-mâché Taepo Dong-1 and Scud missiles in his corner.

Evil Enterprises, LTD. plans on marketing a full line of clothing, playing cards, action figures, and halloween costumes this year. A CD is also in the works, featuring a slew of goth and death metal bands doing original tunes.

Some marketers have expressed reservations, saying that such an approach might actually cause the WWE to experience a reversal back to the cold war era, where Hulk Hogan and others become good again and the bad guys lose their fan base. It doesn't matter to Vince McMahon, as long as the fans are cheering.

Coming soon (actually, probably never, but it's a thought and we'd do it if we felt like we wanted to spend the time) - a cross-study of wrestling stars through the years analyzing ethnic origin, level of patriotism, character, and "likability".